SCENE I. Windsor. Before PAGE's house. The Merry Wives of Windsor  Shakespeare homepage  |  Merry Wives of Windsor  | Act 1, Scene 1 

 Next scene  SCENE I. Windsor. Before PAGE's house. 

 Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS  SHALLOW  Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star- 

 chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John 

 Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire. 

 SLENDER  In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and 

 'Coram.' 

 SHALLOW  Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum. 

 SLENDER  Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born, 

 master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any 

 bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.' 

 SHALLOW  Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three 

 hundred years. 

 SLENDER  All his successors gone before him hath done't; and 

 all his ancestors that come after him may: they may 

 give the dozen white luces in their coat. 

 SHALLOW  It is an old coat. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; 

 it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to 

 man, and signifies love. 

 SHALLOW  The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. 

 SLENDER  I may quarter, coz. 

 SHALLOW  You may, by marrying. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  It is marring indeed, if he quarter it. 

 SHALLOW  Not a whit. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, 

 there is but three skirts for yourself, in my 

 simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir 

 John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto 

 you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my 

 benevolence to make atonements and compremises 

 between you. 

 SHALLOW  The council shall bear it; it is a riot. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no 

 fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall 

 desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a 

 riot; take your vizaments in that. 

 SHALLOW  Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword 

 should end it. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: 

 and there is also another device in my prain, which 

 peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there 

 is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas 

 Page, which is pretty virginity. 

 SLENDER  Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks 

 small like a woman. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as 

 you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, 

 and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his 

 death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections! 

 --give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years 

 old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles 

 and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master 

 Abraham and Mistress Anne Page. 

 SLENDER  Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound? 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. 

 SLENDER  I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts. 

 SHALLOW  Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there? 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do 

 despise one that is false, or as I despise one that 

 is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I 

 beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will 

 peat the door for Master Page. 



 Knocks  What, hoa! Got pless your house here! 

 PAGE  [Within]  Who's there? 



 Enter PAGE  SIR HUGH EVANS  Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice 

 Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that 

 peradventures shall tell you another tale, if 

 matters grow to your likings. 

 PAGE  I am glad to see your worships well. 

 I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow. 

 SHALLOW  Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it 

 your good heart! I wished your venison better; it 

 was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I 

 thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart. 

 PAGE  Sir, I thank you. 

 SHALLOW  Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do. 

 PAGE  I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. 

 SLENDER  How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he 

 was outrun on Cotsall. 

 PAGE  It could not be judged, sir. 

 SLENDER  You'll not confess, you'll not confess. 

 SHALLOW  That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault; 

 'tis a good dog. 

 PAGE  A cur, sir. 

 SHALLOW  Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be 

 more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John 

 Falstaff here? 

 PAGE  Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good 

 office between you. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak. 

 SHALLOW  He hath wronged me, Master Page. 

 PAGE  Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. 

 SHALLOW  If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that 

 so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he 

 hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert 

 Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged. 

 PAGE  Here comes Sir John. 



 Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL  FALSTAFF  Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king? 

 SHALLOW  Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and 

 broke open my lodge. 

 FALSTAFF  But not kissed your keeper's daughter? 

 SHALLOW  Tut, a pin! this shall be answered. 

 FALSTAFF  I will answer it straight; I have done all this. 

 That is now answered. 

 SHALLOW  The council shall know this. 

 FALSTAFF  'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: 

 you'll be laughed at. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts. 

 FALSTAFF  Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your 

 head: what matter have you against me? 

 SLENDER  Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; 

 and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, 

 Nym, and Pistol. 

 BARDOLPH  You Banbury cheese! 

 SLENDER  Ay, it is no matter. 

 PISTOL  How now, Mephostophilus! 

 SLENDER  Ay, it is no matter. 

 NYM  Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour. 

 SLENDER  Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin? 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is 

 three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that 

 is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is 

 myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, 

 lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter. 

 PAGE  We three, to hear it and end it between them. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note- 

 book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with 

 as great discreetly as we can. 

 FALSTAFF  Pistol! 

 PISTOL  He hears with ears. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He 

 hears with ear'? why, it is affectations. 

 FALSTAFF  Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse? 

 SLENDER  Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might 

 never come in mine own great chamber again else, of 

 seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward 

 shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two 

 pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves. 

 FALSTAFF  Is this true, Pistol? 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. 

 PISTOL  Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine, 

 I combat challenge of this latten bilbo. 

 Word of denial in thy labras here! 

 Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest! 

 SLENDER  By these gloves, then, 'twas he. 

 NYM  Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say 

 'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's 

 humour on me; that is the very note of it. 

 SLENDER  By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for 

 though I cannot remember what I did when you made me 

 drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. 

 FALSTAFF  What say you, Scarlet and John? 

 BARDOLPH  Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk 

 himself out of his five sentences. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! 

 BARDOLPH  And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and 

 so conclusions passed the careires. 

 SLENDER  Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no 

 matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, 

 but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: 

 if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have 

 the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind. 

 FALSTAFF  You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it. 



 Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following  PAGE  Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. 



 Exit ANNE PAGE  SLENDER  O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page. 

 PAGE  How now, Mistress Ford! 

 FALSTAFF  Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: 

 by your leave, good mistress. 



 Kisses her  PAGE  Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a 

 hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope 

 we shall drink down all unkindness. 



 Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS  SLENDER  I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of 

 Songs and Sonnets here. 



 Enter SIMPLE  How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait 

 on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles 

 about you, have you? 

 SIMPLE  Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice 

 Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight 

 afore Michaelmas? 

 SHALLOW  Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with 

 you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a 

 tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh 

 here. Do you understand me? 

 SLENDER  Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, 

 I shall do that that is reason. 

 SHALLOW  Nay, but understand me. 

 SLENDER  So I do, sir. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will 

 description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. 

 SLENDER  Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray 

 you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his 

 country, simple though I stand here. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  But that is not the question: the question is 

 concerning your marriage. 

 SHALLOW  Ay, there's the point, sir. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page. 

 SLENDER  Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any 

 reasonable demands. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to 

 know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers 

 philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the 

 mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your 

 good will to the maid? 

 SHALLOW  Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? 

 SLENDER  I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that 

 would do reason. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak 

 possitable, if you can carry her your desires 

 towards her. 

 SHALLOW  That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her? 

 SLENDER  I will do a greater thing than that, upon your 

 request, cousin, in any reason. 

 SHALLOW  Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do 

 is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid? 

 SLENDER  I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there 

 be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may 

 decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are 

 married and have more occasion to know one another; 

 I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: 

 but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that 

 I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in 

 the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our 

 meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good. 

 SHALLOW  Ay, I think my cousin meant well. 

 SLENDER  Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la! 

 SHALLOW  Here comes fair Mistress Anne. 



 Re-enter ANNE PAGE  Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne! 

 ANNE PAGE  The dinner is on the table; my father desires your 

 worships' company. 

 SHALLOW  I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. 



 Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS  ANNE PAGE  Will't please your worship to come in, sir? 

 SLENDER  No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. 

 ANNE PAGE  The dinner attends you, sir. 

 SLENDER  I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go, 

 sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my 

 cousin Shallow. 



 Exit SIMPLE  A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his 

 friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy 

 yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I 

 live like a poor gentleman born. 

 ANNE PAGE  I may not go in without your worship: they will not 

 sit till you come. 

 SLENDER  I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as 

 though I did. 

 ANNE PAGE  I pray you, sir, walk in. 

 SLENDER  I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised 

 my shin th' other day with playing at sword and 

 dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a 

 dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot 

 abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your 

 dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? 

 ANNE PAGE  I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. 

 SLENDER  I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at 

 it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see 

 the bear loose, are you not? 

 ANNE PAGE  Ay, indeed, sir. 

 SLENDER  That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen 

 Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by 

 the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so 

 cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women, 

 indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored 

 rough things. 



 Re-enter PAGE  PAGE  Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you. 

 SLENDER  I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir. 

 PAGE  By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come. 

 SLENDER  Nay, pray you, lead the way. 

 PAGE  Come on, sir. 

 SLENDER  Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. 

 ANNE PAGE  Not I, sir; pray you, keep on. 

 SLENDER  I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. 

 You do yourself wrong, indeed, la! 



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