SCENE I. Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus. The Comedy of Errors  Shakespeare homepage  |  Comedy of Errors  | Act 3, Scene 1 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene  SCENE I. Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus. 

 Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR  ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all; 

 My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours: 

 Say that I linger'd with you at your shop 

 To see the making of her carcanet, 

 And that to-morrow you will bring it home. 

 But here's a villain that would face me down 

 He met me on the mart, and that I beat him, 

 And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, 

 And that I did deny my wife and house. 

 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know; 

 That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show: 

 If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, 

 Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  I think thou art an ass. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Marry, so it doth appear 

 By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. 

 I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass, 

 You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer 

 May answer my good will and your good welcome here. 

 BALTHAZAR  I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your 

 welcome dear. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, 

 A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish. 

 BALTHAZAR  Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words. 

 BALTHAZAR  Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest: 

 But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; 

 Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. 

 But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn! 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, 

 idiot, patch! 

 Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch. 

 Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st 

 for such store, 

 When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  What patch is made our porter? My master stays in 

 the street. 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  Let him walk from whence he came, lest he 

 catch cold on's feet. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Who talks within there? ho, open the door! 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell 

 me wherefore. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day. 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  Nor to-day here you must not; come again 

 when you may. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe? 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  The porter for this time, sir, and my name 

 is Dromio. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name. 

 The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. 

 If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, 

 Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy 

 name for an ass. 

 LUCE  [Within]  What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those 

 at the gate? 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Let my master in, Luce. 

 LUCE  [Within]  Faith, no; he comes too late; 

 And so tell your master. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  O Lord, I must laugh! 

 Have at you with a proverb--Shall I set in my staff? 

 LUCE  [Within]  Have at you with another; that's--When? 

 can you tell? 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  If thy name be call'd Luce--Luce, thou hast 

 answered him well. 

 ANTIPHOLUS  Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope? 

 OF EPHESUS 

 LUCE  [Within]  I thought to have asked you. 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  And you said no. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  So, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Thou baggage, let me in. 

 LUCE  [Within]  Can you tell for whose sake? 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Master, knock the door hard. 

 LUCE  [Within]  Let him knock till it ache. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down. 

 LUCE  [Within]  What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? 

 ADRIANA  [Within]  Who is that at the door that keeps all 

 this noise? 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  By my troth, your town is troubled with 

 unruly boys. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Are you there, wife? you might have come before. 

 ADRIANA  [Within]  Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore. 

 ANGELO  Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would 

 fain have either. 

 BALTHAZAR  In debating which was best, we shall part with neither. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. 

 Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold: 

 It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate. 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  Break any breaking here, and I'll break your 

 knave's pate. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind, 

 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon 

 thee, hind! 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Here's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee, 

 let me in. 

 DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  [Within]  Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow. 

 DROMIO OF EPHESUS  A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? 

 For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather; 

 If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Go get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow. 

 BALTHAZAR  Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so! 

 Herein you war against your reputation 

 And draw within the compass of suspect 

 The unviolated honour of your wife. 

 Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom, 

 Her sober virtue, years and modesty, 

 Plead on her part some cause to you unknown: 

 And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse 

 Why at this time the doors are made against you. 

 Be ruled by me: depart in patience, 

 And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, 

 And about evening come yourself alone 

 To know the reason of this strange restraint. 

 If by strong hand you offer to break in 

 Now in the stirring passage of the day, 

 A vulgar comment will be made of it, 

 And that supposed by the common rout 

 Against your yet ungalled estimation 

 That may with foul intrusion enter in 

 And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; 

 For slander lives upon succession, 

 For ever housed where it gets possession. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet, 

 And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry. 

 I know a wench of excellent discourse, 

 Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle: 

 There will we dine. This woman that I mean, 

 My wife--but, I protest, without desert-- 

 Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal: 

 To her will we to dinner. 



 To Angelo  Get you home 

 And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made: 

 Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine; 

 For there's the house: that chain will I bestow-- 

 Be it for nothing but to spite my wife-- 

 Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste. 

 Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, 

 I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me. 

 ANGELO  I'll meet you at that place some hour hence. 

 ANTIPHOLUS 

 OF EPHESUS  Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense. 



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