SCENE IV. London. The Boar's-head Tavern in Eastcheap. The Second part of King Henry the Fourth  Shakespeare homepage  |  Henry IV, part 2  | Act 2, Scene 4 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene  SCENE IV. London. The Boar's-head Tavern in Eastcheap. 

 Enter two Drawers  First Drawer  What the devil hast thou brought there? apple-johns? 

 thou knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple-john. 

 Second Drawer  Mass, thou sayest true. The prince once set a dish 

 of apple-johns before him, and told him there were 

 five more Sir Johns, and, putting off his hat, said 

 'I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, 

 old, withered knights.' It angered him to the 

 heart: but he hath forgot that. 

 First Drawer  Why, then, cover, and set them down: and see if 

 thou canst find out Sneak's noise; Mistress 

 Tearsheet would fain hear some music. Dispatch: the 

 room where they supped is too hot; they'll come in straight. 

 Second Drawer  Sirrah, here will be the prince and Master Poins 

 anon; and they will put on two of our jerkins and 

 aprons; and Sir John must not know of it: Bardolph 

 hath brought word. 

 First Drawer  By the mass, here will be old Utis: it will be an 

 excellent stratagem. 

 Second Drawer  I'll see if I can find out Sneak. 



 Exit 

 Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY and DOLL TEARSHEET  MISTRESS QUICKLY  I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an 

 excellent good temperality: your pulsidge beats as 

 extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your 

 colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose, in good 

 truth, la! But, i' faith, you have drunk too much 

 canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, 

 and it perfumes the blood ere one can say 'What's 

 this?' How do you now? 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Better than I was: hem! 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold. 

 Lo, here comes Sir John. 



 Enter FALSTAFF  FALSTAFF  [Singing]  'When Arthur first in court,' 

 --Empty the jordan. 



 Exit First Drawer 

 Singing  --'And was a worthy king.' How now, Mistress Doll! 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Sick of a calm; yea, good faith. 

 FALSTAFF  So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me? 

 FALSTAFF  You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  I make them! gluttony and diseases make them; I 

 make them not. 

 FALSTAFF  If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to 

 make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we 

 catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue grant that. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels. 

 FALSTAFF  'Your broaches, pearls, and ouches:' for to serve 

 bravely is to come halting off, you know: to come 

 off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to 

 surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged 

 chambers bravely,-- 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself! 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never 

 meet but you fall to some discord: you are both, 

 i' good truth, as rheumatic as two dry toasts; you 

 cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What 

 the good-year! one must bear, and that must be 

 you: you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the 

 emptier vessel. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full 

 hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of 

 Bourdeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk 

 better stuffed in the hold. Come, I'll be friends 

 with thee, Jack: thou art going to the wars; and 

 whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is 

 nobody cares. 



 Re-enter First Drawer  First Drawer  Sir, Ancient Pistol's below, and would speak with 

 you. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come 

 hither: it is the foul-mouthed'st rogue in England. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by my 

 faith; I must live among my neighbours: I'll no 

 swaggerers: I am in good name and fame with the 

 very best: shut the door; there comes no swaggerers 

 here: I have not lived all this while, to have 

 swaggering now: shut the door, I pray you. 

 FALSTAFF  Dost thou hear, hostess? 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Pray ye, pacify yourself, Sir John: there comes no 

 swaggerers here. 

 FALSTAFF  Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne'er tell me: your ancient 

 swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master 

 Tisick, the debuty, t'other day; and, as he said to 

 me, 'twas no longer ago than Wednesday last, 'I' 

 good faith, neighbour Quickly,' says he; Master 

 Dumbe, our minister, was by then; 'neighbour 

 Quickly,' says he, 'receive those that are civil; 

 for,' said he, 'you are in an ill name:' now a' 

 said so, I can tell whereupon; 'for,' says he, 'you 

 are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore 

 take heed what guests you receive: receive,' says 

 he, 'no swaggering companions.' There comes none 

 here: you would bless you to hear what he said: 

 no, I'll no swaggerers. 

 FALSTAFF  He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater, i' 

 faith; you may stroke him as gently as a puppy 

 greyhound: he'll not swagger with a Barbary hen, if 

 her feathers turn back in any show of resistance. 

 Call him up, drawer. 



 Exit First Drawer  MISTRESS QUICKLY  Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my 

 house, nor no cheater: but I do not love 

 swaggering, by my troth; I am the worse, when one 

 says swagger: feel, masters, how I shake; look you, 

 I warrant you. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  So you do, hostess. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen 

 leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers. 



 Enter PISTOL, BARDOLPH, and Page  PISTOL  God save you, Sir John! 

 FALSTAFF  Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge 

 you with a cup of sack: do you discharge upon mine hostess. 

 PISTOL  I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets. 

 FALSTAFF  She is Pistol-proof, sir; you shall hardly offend 

 her. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Come, I'll drink no proofs nor no bullets: I'll 

 drink no more than will do me good, for no man's 

 pleasure, I. 

 PISTOL  Then to you, Mistress Dorothy; I will charge you. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What! 

 you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen 

 mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for 

 your master. 

 PISTOL  I know you, Mistress Dorothy. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away! 

 by this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy 

 chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, 

 you bottle-ale rascal! you basket-hilt stale 

 juggler, you! Since when, I pray you, sir? God's 

 light, with two points on your shoulder? much! 

 PISTOL  God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this. 

 FALSTAFF  No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off here: 

 discharge yourself of our company, Pistol. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  No, Good Captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Captain! thou abominable damned cheater, art thou 

 not ashamed to be called captain? An captains were 

 of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for 

 taking their names upon you before you have earned 

 them. You a captain! you slave, for what? for 

 tearing a poor whore's ruff in a bawdy-house? He a 

 captain! hang him, rogue! he lives upon mouldy 

 stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain! God's 

 light, these villains will make the word as odious 

 as the word 'occupy;' which was an excellent good 

 word before it was ill sorted: therefore captains 

 had need look to 't. 

 BARDOLPH  Pray thee, go down, good ancient. 

 FALSTAFF  Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll. 

 PISTOL  Not I	I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could 

 tear her: I'll be revenged of her. 

 Page  Pray thee, go down. 

 PISTOL  I'll see her damned first; to Pluto's damned lake, 

 by this hand, to the infernal deep, with Erebus and 

 tortures vile also. Hold hook and line, say I. 

 Down, down, dogs! down, faitors! Have we not 

 Hiren here? 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Good Captain Peesel, be quiet; 'tis very late, i' 

 faith: I beseek you now, aggravate your choler. 

 PISTOL  These be good humours, indeed! Shall pack-horses 

 And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia, 

 Which cannot go but thirty mile a-day, 

 Compare with Caesars, and with Cannibals, 

 And Trojan Greeks? nay, rather damn them with 

 King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar. 

 Shall we fall foul for toys? 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words. 

 BARDOLPH  Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to abrawl anon. 

 PISTOL  Die men like dogs! give crowns like pins! Have we 

 not Heren here? 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  O' my word, captain, there's none such here. What 

 the good-year! do you think I would deny her? For 

 God's sake, be quiet. 

 PISTOL  Then feed, and be fat, my fair Calipolis. 

 Come, give's some sack. 

 'Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento.' 

 Fear we broadsides? no, let the fiend give fire: 

 Give me some sack: and, sweetheart, lie thou there. 



 Laying down his sword  Come we to full points here; and are etceteras nothing? 

 FALSTAFF  Pistol, I would be quiet. 

 PISTOL  Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf: what! we have seen 

 the seven stars. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  For God's sake, thrust him down stairs: I cannot 

 endure such a fustian rascal. 

 PISTOL  Thrust him down stairs! know we not Galloway nags? 

 FALSTAFF  Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat 

 shilling: nay, an a' do nothing but speak nothing, 

 a' shall be nothing here. 

 BARDOLPH  Come, get you down stairs. 

 PISTOL  What! shall we have incision? shall we imbrue? 



 Snatching up his sword  Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days! 

 Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds 

 Untwine the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos, I say! 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  Here's goodly stuff toward! 

 FALSTAFF  Give me my rapier, boy. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw. 

 FALSTAFF  Get you down stairs. 



 Drawing, and driving PISTOL out  MISTRESS QUICKLY  Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping 

 house, afore I'll be in these tirrits and frights. 

 So; murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas! put up 

 your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons. 



 Exeunt PISTOL and BARDOLPH  DOLL TEARSHEET  I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal's gone. 

 Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you! 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  He you not hurt i' the groin? methought a' made a 

 shrewd thrust at your belly. 



 Re-enter BARDOLPH  FALSTAFF  Have you turned him out o' doors? 

 BARDOLPH  Yea, sir. The rascal's drunk: you have hurt him, 

 sir, i' the shoulder. 

 FALSTAFF  A rascal! to brave me! 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! alas, poor ape, 

 how thou sweatest! come, let me wipe thy face; 

 come on, you whoreson chops: ah, rogue! i'faith, I 

 love thee: thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy, 

 worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than 

 the Nine Worthies: ah, villain! 

 FALSTAFF  A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Do, an thou darest for thy heart: an thou dost, 

 I'll canvass thee between a pair of sheets. 



 Enter Music  Page  The music is come, sir. 

 FALSTAFF  Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Doll. 

 A rascal bragging slave! the rogue fled from me 

 like quicksilver. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  I' faith, and thou followedst him like a church. 

 Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, 

 when wilt thou leave fighting o' days and foining 

 o' nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven? 



 Enter, behind, PRINCE HENRY and POINS, disguised  FALSTAFF  Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's-head; 

 do not bid me remember mine end. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Sirrah, what humour's the prince of? 

 FALSTAFF  A good shallow young fellow: a' would have made a 

 good pantler, a' would ha' chipp'd bread well. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  They say Poins has a good wit. 

 FALSTAFF  He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his wit's as thick 

 as Tewksbury mustard; there's no more conceit in him 

 than is in a mallet. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  Why does the prince love him so, then? 

 FALSTAFF  Because their legs are both of a bigness, and a' 

 plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, 

 and drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons, and 

 rides the wild-mare with the boys, and jumps upon 

 joined-stools, and swears with a good grace, and 

 wears his boots very smooth, like unto the sign of 

 the leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet 

 stories; and such other gambol faculties a' has, 

 that show a weak mind and an able body, for the 

 which the prince admits him: for the prince himself 

 is such another; the weight of a hair will turn the 

 scales between their avoirdupois. 

 PRINCE HENRY  Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off? 

 POINS  Let's beat him before his whore. 

 PRINCE HENRY  Look, whether the withered elder hath not his poll 

 clawed like a parrot. 

 POINS  Is it not strange that desire should so many years 

 outlive performance? 

 FALSTAFF  Kiss me, Doll. 

 PRINCE HENRY  Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! what 

 says the almanac to that? 

 POINS  And look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not 

 lisping to his master's old tables, his note-book, 

 his counsel-keeper. 

 FALSTAFF  Thou dost give me flattering busses. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart. 

 FALSTAFF  I am old, I am old. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young 

 boy of them all. 

 FALSTAFF  What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive 

 money o' Thursday: shalt have a cap to-morrow. A 

 merry song, come: it grows late; we'll to bed. 

 Thou'lt forget me when I am gone. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  By my troth, thou'lt set me a-weeping, an thou 

 sayest so: prove that ever I dress myself handsome 

 till thy return: well, harken at the end. 

 FALSTAFF  Some sack, Francis. 

 PRINCE HENRY  POINS  Anon, anon, sir. 



 Coming forward  FALSTAFF  Ha! a bastard son of the king's? And art not thou 

 Poins his brother? 

 PRINCE HENRY  Why, thou globe of sinful continents! what a life 

 dost thou lead! 

 FALSTAFF  A better than thou: I am a gentleman; thou art a drawer. 

 PRINCE HENRY  Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out by the ears. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  O, the Lord preserve thy good grace! by my troth, 

 welcome to London. Now, the Lord bless that sweet 

 face of thine! O, Jesu, are you come from Wales? 

 FALSTAFF  Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light 

 flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  How, you fat fool! I scorn you. 

 POINS  My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and 

 turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat. 

 PRINCE HENRY  You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you 

 speak of me even now before this honest, virtuous, 

 civil gentlewoman! 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  God's blessing of your good heart! and so she is, 

 by my troth. 

 FALSTAFF  Didst thou hear me? 

 PRINCE HENRY  Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away 

 by Gad's-hill: you knew I was at your back, and 

 spoke it on purpose to try my patience. 

 FALSTAFF  No, no, no; not so; I did not think thou wast within hearing. 

 PRINCE HENRY  I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse; 

 and then I know how to handle you. 

 FALSTAFF  No abuse, Hal, o' mine honour, no abuse. 

 PRINCE HENRY  Not to dispraise me, and call me pantier and 

 bread-chipper and I know not what? 

 FALSTAFF  No abuse, Hal. 

 POINS  No abuse? 

 FALSTAFF  No abuse, Ned, i' the world; honest Ned, none. I 

 dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked 

 might not fall in love with him; in which doing, I 

 have done the part of a careful friend and a true 

 subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it. 

 No abuse, Hal: none, Ned, none: no, faith, boys, none. 

 PRINCE HENRY  See now, whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth 

 not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to 

 close with us? is she of the wicked? is thine 

 hostess here of the wicked? or is thy boy of the 

 wicked? or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his 

 nose, of the wicked? 

 POINS  Answer, thou dead elm, answer. 

 FALSTAFF  The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable; 

 and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where he 

 doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy, 

 there is a good angel about him; but the devil 

 outbids him too. 

 PRINCE HENRY  For the women? 

 FALSTAFF  For one of them, she is in hell already, and burns 

 poor souls. For the other, I owe her money, and 

 whether she be damned for that, I know not. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  No, I warrant you. 

 FALSTAFF  No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for 

 that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, 

 for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, 

 contrary to the law; for the which I think thou wilt howl. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  All victuallers do so; what's a joint of mutton or 

 two in a whole Lent? 

 PRINCE HENRY  You, gentlewoman,- 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  What says your grace? 

 FALSTAFF  His grace says that which his flesh rebels against. 



 Knocking within  MISTRESS QUICKLY  Who knocks so loud at door? Look to the door there, Francis. 



 Enter PETO  PRINCE HENRY  Peto, how now! what news? 

 PETO  The king your father is at Westminster: 

 And there are twenty weak and wearied posts 

 Come from the north: and, as I came along, 

 I met and overtook a dozen captains, 

 Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns, 

 And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff. 

 PRINCE HENRY  By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame, 

 So idly to profane the precious time, 

 When tempest of commotion, like the south 

 Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt 

 And drop upon our bare unarmed heads. 

 Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night. 



 Exeunt PRINCE HENRY, POINS, PETO and BARDOLPH  FALSTAFF  Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and 

 we must hence and leave it unpicked. 



 Knocking within  More knocking at the door! 



 Re-enter BARDOLPH  How now! what's the matter? 

 BARDOLPH  You must away to court, sir, presently; 

 A dozen captains stay at door for you. 

 FALSTAFF  [To the Page]  Pay the musicians, sirrah. Farewell, 

 hostess; farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, 

 how men of merit are sought after: the undeserver 

 may sleep, when the man of action is called on. 

 Farewell good wenches: if I be not sent away post, 

 I will see you again ere I go. 

 DOLL TEARSHEET  I cannot speak; if my heart be not read to burst,-- 

 well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself. 

 FALSTAFF  Farewell, farewell. 



 Exeunt FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH  MISTRESS QUICKLY  Well, fare thee well: I have known thee these 

 twenty-nine years, come peascod-time; but an 

 honester and truer-hearted man,--well, fare thee well. 

 BARDOLPH  [Within]  Mistress Tearsheet! 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  What's the matter? 

 BARDOLPH  [Within]  Good Mistress Tearsheet, come to my master. 

 MISTRESS QUICKLY  O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll: come. 



 She comes blubbered  Yea, will you come, Doll? 



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