SCENE II. A prison. Much Ado About Nothing  Shakespeare homepage  |  Much Ado About Nothing  | Act 4, Scene 2 

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 Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO  DOGBERRY  Is our whole dissembly appeared? 

 VERGES  O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton. 

 Sexton  Which be the malefactors? 

 DOGBERRY  Marry, that am I and my partner. 

 VERGES  Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine. 

 Sexton  But which are the offenders that are to be 

 examined? let them come before master constable. 

 DOGBERRY  Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your 

 name, friend? 

 BORACHIO  Borachio. 

 DOGBERRY  Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah? 

 CONRADE  I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade. 

 DOGBERRY  Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do 

 you serve God? 

 CONRADE  BORACHIO  Yea, sir, we hope. 

 DOGBERRY  Write down, that they hope they serve God: and 

 write God first; for God defend but God should go 

 before such villains! Masters, it is proved already 

 that you are little better than false knaves; and it 

 will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer 

 you for yourselves? 

 CONRADE  Marry, sir, we say we are none. 

 DOGBERRY  A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I 

 will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a 

 word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought 

 you are false knaves. 

 BORACHIO  Sir, I say to you we are none. 

 DOGBERRY  Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a 

 tale. Have you writ down, that they are none? 

 Sexton  Master constable, you go not the way to examine: 

 you must call forth the watch that are their accusers. 

 DOGBERRY  Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch 

 come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's 

 name, accuse these men. 

 First Watchman  This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's 

 brother, was a villain. 

 DOGBERRY  Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat 

 perjury, to call a prince's brother villain. 

 BORACHIO  Master constable,-- 

 DOGBERRY  Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, 

 I promise thee. 

 Sexton  What heard you him say else? 

 Second Watchman  Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of 

 Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully. 

 DOGBERRY  Flat burglary as ever was committed. 

 VERGES  Yea, by mass, that it is. 

 Sexton  What else, fellow? 

 First Watchman  And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to 

 disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her. 

 DOGBERRY  O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting 

 redemption for this. 

 Sexton  What else? 

 Watchman  This is all. 

 Sexton  And this is more, masters, than you can deny. 

 Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away; 

 Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner 

 refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. 

 Master constable, let these men be bound, and 

 brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show 

 him their examination. 



 Exit  DOGBERRY  Come, let them be opinioned. 

 VERGES  Let them be in the hands-- 

 CONRADE  Off, coxcomb! 

 DOGBERRY  God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write 

 down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. 

 Thou naughty varlet! 

 CONRADE  Away! you are an ass, you are an ass. 

 DOGBERRY  Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not 

 suspect my years? O that he were here to write me 

 down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an 

 ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not 

 that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of 

 piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. 

 I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer, 

 and, which is more, a householder, and, which is 

 more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in 

 Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a 

 rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath 

 had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every 

 thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that 

 I had been writ down an ass! 



 Exeunt  Shakespeare homepage  |  Much Ado About Nothing  | Act 4, Scene 2 

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