SCENE III. A room in FORD'S house. The Merry Wives of Windsor  Shakespeare homepage  |  Merry Wives of Windsor  | Act 3, Scene 3 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene  SCENE III. A room in FORD'S house. 

 Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE  MISTRESS FORD  What, John! What, Robert! 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket-- 

 MISTRESS FORD  I warrant. What, Robin, I say! 



 Enter Servants with a basket  MISTRESS PAGE  Come, come, come. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Here, set it down. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Give your men the charge; we must be brief. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be 

 ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I 

 suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause 

 or staggering take this basket on your shoulders: 

 that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry 

 it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there 

 empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  You will do it? 

 MISTRESS FORD  I ha' told them over and over; they lack no 

 direction. Be gone, and come when you are called. 



 Exeunt Servants  MISTRESS PAGE  Here comes little Robin. 



 Enter ROBIN  MISTRESS FORD  How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you? 

 ROBIN  My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door, 

 Mistress Ford, and requests your company. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us? 

 ROBIN  Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your 

 being here and hath threatened to put me into 

 everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he 

 swears he'll turn me away. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be 

 a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet 

 and hose. I'll go hide me. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone. 



 Exit ROBIN  Mistress Page, remember you your cue. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. 



 Exit  MISTRESS FORD  Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity, 

 this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know 

 turtles from jays. 



 Enter FALSTAFF  FALSTAFF  Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let 

 me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the 

 period of my ambition: O this blessed hour! 

 MISTRESS FORD  O sweet Sir John! 

 FALSTAFF  Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, 

 Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would 

 thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the 

 best lord; I would make thee my lady. 

 MISTRESS FORD  I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady! 

 FALSTAFF  Let the court of France show me such another. I see 

 how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast 

 the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the 

 ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of 

 Venetian admittance. 

 MISTRESS FORD  A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing 

 else; nor that well neither. 

 FALSTAFF  By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou 

 wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm 

 fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion 

 to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see 

 what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature 

 thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Believe me, there is no such thing in me. 

 FALSTAFF  What made me love thee? let that persuade thee 

 there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I 

 cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a 

 many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like 

 women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury 

 in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none 

 but thee; and thou deservest it. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page. 

 FALSTAFF  Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the 

 Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek 

 of a lime-kiln. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one 

 day find it. 

 FALSTAFF  Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not 

 be in that mind. 

 ROBIN  [Within]  Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's 

 Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and 

 looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. 

 FALSTAFF  She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman. 



 FALSTAFF hides himself 

 Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN  What's the matter? how now! 

 MISTRESS PAGE  O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, 

 you're overthrown, you're undone for ever! 

 MISTRESS FORD  What's the matter, good Mistress Page? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man 

 to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! 

 MISTRESS FORD  What cause of suspicion? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I 

 mistook in you! 

 MISTRESS FORD  Why, alas, what's the matter? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the 

 officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that 

 he says is here now in the house by your consent, to 

 take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone. 

 MISTRESS FORD  'Tis not so, I hope. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man 

 here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming, 

 with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a 

 one. I come before to tell you. If you know 

 yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you 

 have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not 

 amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your 

 reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever. 

 MISTRESS FORD  What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear 

 friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his 

 peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were 

 out of the house. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'you 

 had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink 

 you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot 

 hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here 

 is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he 

 may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as 

 if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time 

 --send him by your two men to Datchet-mead. 

 MISTRESS FORD  He's too big to go in there. What shall I do? 

 FALSTAFF  [Coming forward]  Let me see't, let me see't, O, let 

 me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's 

 counsel. I'll in. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? 

 FALSTAFF  I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here. 

 I'll never-- 



 Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen  MISTRESS PAGE  Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men, 

 Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight! 

 MISTRESS FORD  What, John! Robert! John! 



 Exit ROBIN 

 Re-enter Servants  Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the 

 cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to 

 the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come. 



 Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS  FORD  Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, 

 why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest; 

 I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this? 

 Servant  To the laundress, forsooth. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You 

 were best meddle with buck-washing. 

 FORD  Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck! 

 Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; 

 and of the season too, it shall appear. 



 Exeunt Servants with the basket  Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my 

 dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my 

 chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant 

 we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. 



 Locking the door  So, now uncape. 

 PAGE  Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. 

 FORD  True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see 

 sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. 



 Exit  SIR HUGH EVANS  This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies. 

 DOCTOR CAIUS  By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not 

 jealous in France. 

 PAGE  Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. 



 Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS  MISTRESS PAGE  Is there not a double excellency in this? 

 MISTRESS FORD  I know not which pleases me better, that my husband 

 is deceived, or Sir John. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  What a taking was he in when your husband asked who 

 was in the basket! 

 MISTRESS FORD  I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so 

 throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same 

 strain were in the same distress. 

 MISTRESS FORD  I think my husband hath some special suspicion of 

 Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross 

 in his jealousy till now. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have 

 more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will 

 scarce obey this medicine. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress 

 Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the 

 water; and give him another hope, to betray him to 

 another punishment? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow, 

 eight o'clock, to have amends. 



 Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS  FORD  I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that 

 he could not compass. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  [Aside to MISTRESS FORD]  Heard you that? 

 MISTRESS FORD  You use me well, Master Ford, do you? 

 FORD  Ay, I do so. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Heaven make you better than your thoughts! 

 FORD  Amen! 

 MISTRESS PAGE  You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford. 

 FORD  Ay, ay; I must bear it. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  If there be any pody in the house, and in the 

 chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, 

 heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment! 

 DOCTOR CAIUS  By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies. 

 PAGE  Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What 

 spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I 

 would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the 

 wealth of Windsor Castle. 

 FORD  'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as 

 honest a 'omans as I will desires among five 

 thousand, and five hundred too. 

 DOCTOR CAIUS  By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. 

 FORD  Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in 

 the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter 

 make known to you why I have done this. Come, 

 wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me; 

 pray heartily, pardon me. 

 PAGE  Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock 

 him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house 

 to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I 

 have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so? 

 FORD  Any thing. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  If there is one, I shall make two in the company. 

 DOCTOR CAIUS  If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd. 

 FORD  Pray you, go, Master Page. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy 

 knave, mine host. 

 DOCTOR CAIUS  Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart! 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries! 



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