SCENE II. Rousillon. The COUNT's palace. All's Well That Ends Well  Shakespeare homepage  |  All's Well That Ends Well  | Act 2, Scene 2 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene  SCENE II. Rousillon. The COUNT's palace. 

 Enter COUNTESS and Clown  COUNTESS  Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of 

 your breeding. 

 Clown  I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught: I 

 know my business is but to the court. 

 COUNTESS  To the court! why, what place make you special, 

 when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court! 

 Clown  Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he 

 may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make 

 a leg, put off's cap, kiss his hand and say nothing, 

 has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed 

 such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the 

 court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all 

 men. 

 COUNTESS  Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits all 

 questions. 

 Clown  It is like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks, 

 the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn 

 buttock, or any buttock. 

 COUNTESS  Will your answer serve fit to all questions? 

 Clown  As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, 

 as your French crown for your taffeta punk, as Tib's 

 rush for Tom's forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove 

 Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his 

 hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding queen 

 to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the 

 friar's mouth, nay, as the pudding to his skin. 

 COUNTESS  Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all 

 questions? 

 Clown  From below your duke to beneath your constable, it 

 will fit any question. 

 COUNTESS  It must be an answer of most monstrous size that 

 must fit all demands. 

 Clown  But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned 

 should speak truth of it: here it is, and all that 

 belongs to't. Ask me if I am a courtier: it shall 

 do you no harm to learn. 

 COUNTESS  To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in 

 question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I 

 pray you, sir, are you a courtier? 

 Clown  O Lord, sir! There's a simple putting off. More, 

 more, a hundred of them. 

 COUNTESS  Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you. 

 Clown  O Lord, sir! Thick, thick, spare not me. 

 COUNTESS  I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat. 

 Clown  O Lord, sir! Nay, put me to't, I warrant you. 

 COUNTESS  You were lately whipped, sir, as I think. 

 Clown  O Lord, sir! spare not me. 

 COUNTESS  Do you cry, 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and 

 'spare not me?' Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very 

 sequent to your whipping: you would answer very well 

 to a whipping, if you were but bound to't. 

 Clown  I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my 'O Lord, 

 sir!' I see things may serve long, but not serve ever. 

 COUNTESS  I play the noble housewife with the time 

 To entertain't so merrily with a fool. 

 Clown  O Lord, sir! why, there't serves well again. 

 COUNTESS  An end, sir; to your business. Give Helen this, 

 And urge her to a present answer back: 

 Commend me to my kinsmen and my son: 

 This is not much. 

 Clown  Not much commendation to them. 

 COUNTESS  Not much employment for you: you understand me? 

 Clown  Most fruitfully: I am there before my legs. 

 COUNTESS  Haste you again. 



 Exeunt severally  Shakespeare homepage  |  All's Well That Ends Well  | Act 2, Scene 2 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene 