SCENE II. A room in FORD'S house. The Merry Wives of Windsor  Shakespeare homepage  |  Merry Wives of Windsor  | Act 4, Scene 2 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene  SCENE II. A room in FORD'S house. 

 Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD  FALSTAFF  Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my 

 sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love, 

 and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not 

 only, Mistress Ford, in the simple 

 office of love, but in all the accoutrement, 

 complement and ceremony of it. But are you 

 sure of your husband now? 

 MISTRESS FORD  He's a-birding, sweet Sir John. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  [Within]  What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho! 

 MISTRESS FORD  Step into the chamber, Sir John. 



 Exit FALSTAFF 

 Enter MISTRESS PAGE  MISTRESS PAGE  How now, sweetheart! who's at home besides yourself? 

 MISTRESS FORD  Why, none but mine own people. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Indeed! 

 MISTRESS FORD  No, certainly. 



 Aside to her  Speak louder. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Why? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again: 

 he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails 

 against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's 

 daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets 

 himself on the forehead, crying, 'Peer out, peer 

 out!' that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but 

 tameness, civility and patience, to this his 

 distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Why, does he talk of him? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the 

 last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests 

 to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and 

 the rest of their company from their sport, to make 

 another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad 

 the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery. 

 MISTRESS FORD  How near is he, Mistress Page? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon. 

 MISTRESS FORD  I am undone! The knight is here. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Why then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead 

 man. What a woman are you!--Away with him, away 

 with him! better shame than murder. 

 FORD  Which way should be go? how should I bestow him? 

 Shall I put him into the basket again? 



 Re-enter FALSTAFF  FALSTAFF  No, I'll come no more i' the basket. May I not go 

 out ere he come? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Alas, three of Master Ford's brothers watch the door 

 with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise 

 you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here? 

 FALSTAFF  What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney. 

 MISTRESS FORD  There they always use to discharge their 

 birding-pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole. 

 FALSTAFF  Where is it? 

 MISTRESS FORD  He will seek there, on my word. Neither press, 

 coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an 

 abstract for the remembrance of such places, and 

 goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house. 

 FALSTAFF  I'll go out then. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir 

 John. Unless you go out disguised-- 

 MISTRESS FORD  How might we disguise him? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Alas the day, I know not! There is no woman's gown 

 big enough for him otherwise he might put on a hat, 

 a muffler and a kerchief, and so escape. 

 FALSTAFF  Good hearts, devise something: any extremity rather 

 than a mischief. 

 MISTRESS FORD  My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a 

 gown above. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he 

 is: and there's her thrummed hat and her muffler 

 too. Run up, Sir John. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will 

 look some linen for your head. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Quick, quick! we'll come dress you straight: put 

 on the gown the while. 



 Exit FALSTAFF  MISTRESS FORD  I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he 

 cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears 

 she's a witch; forbade her my house and hath 

 threatened to beat her. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel, and the 

 devil guide his cudgel afterwards! 

 MISTRESS FORD  But is my husband coming? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Ah, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket 

 too, howsoever he hath had intelligence. 

 MISTRESS FORD  We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the 

 basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as 

 they did last time. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him 

 like the witch of Brentford. 

 MISTRESS FORD  I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the 

 basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight. 



 Exit  MISTRESS PAGE  Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough. 

 We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, 

 Wives may be merry, and yet honest too: 

 We do not act that often jest and laugh; 

 'Tis old, but true, Still swine eat all the draff. 



 Exit 

 Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two Servants  MISTRESS FORD  Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders: 

 your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it 

 down, obey him: quickly, dispatch. 



 Exit  First Servant  Come, come, take it up. 

 Second Servant  Pray heaven it be not full of knight again. 

 First Servant  I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead. 



 Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS  FORD  Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any 

 way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket, 

 villain! Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket! 

 O you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a 

 pack, a conspiracy against me: now shall the devil 

 be shamed. What, wife, I say! Come, come forth! 

 Behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching! 

 PAGE  Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go 

 loose any longer; you must be pinioned. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog! 

 SHALLOW  Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed. 

 FORD  So say I too, sir. 



 Re-enter MISTRESS FORD  Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford the honest 

 woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that 

 hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect 

 without cause, mistress, do I? 

 MISTRESS FORD  Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in 

 any dishonesty. 

 FORD  Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, sirrah! 



 Pulling clothes out of the basket  PAGE  This passes! 

 MISTRESS FORD  Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone. 

 FORD  I shall find you anon. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's 

 clothes? Come away. 

 FORD  Empty the basket, I say! 

 MISTRESS FORD  Why, man, why? 

 FORD  Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed 

 out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may 

 not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is: 

 my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable. 

 Pluck me out all the linen. 

 MISTRESS FORD  If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death. 

 PAGE  Here's no man. 

 SHALLOW  By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this 

 wrongs you. 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the 

 imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. 

 FORD  Well, he's not here I seek for. 

 PAGE  No, nor nowhere else but in your brain. 

 FORD  Help to search my house this one time. If I find 

 not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let 

 me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of 

 me, 'As jealous as Ford, Chat searched a hollow 

 walnut for his wife's leman.' Satisfy me once more; 

 once more search with me. 

 MISTRESS FORD  What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman 

 down; my husband will come into the chamber. 

 FORD  Old woman! what old woman's that? 

 MISTRESS FORD  Nay, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford. 

 FORD  A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not 

 forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does 

 she? We are simple men; we do not know what's 

 brought to pass under the profession of 

 fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, 

 by the figure, and such daubery as this is, beyond 

 our element we know nothing. Come down, you witch, 

 you hag, you; come down, I say! 

 MISTRESS FORD  Nay, good, sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let him 

 not strike the old woman. 



 Re-enter FALSTAFF in woman's clothes, and MISTRESS PAGE  MISTRESS PAGE  Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand. 

 FORD  I'll prat her. 



 Beating him  Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you 

 polecat, you runyon! out, out! I'll conjure you, 

 I'll fortune-tell you. 



 Exit FALSTAFF  MISTRESS PAGE  Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the 

 poor woman. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Nay, he will do it. 'Tis a goodly credit for you. 

 FORD  Hang her, witch! 

 SIR HUGH EVANS  By the yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch 

 indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; 

 I spy a great peard under his muffler. 

 FORD  Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; 

 see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus 

 upon no trail, never trust me when I open again. 

 PAGE  Let's obey his humour a little further: come, 

 gentlemen. 



 Exeunt FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS  MISTRESS PAGE  Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most 

 unpitifully, methought. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  I'll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o'er the 

 altar; it hath done meritorious service. 

 MISTRESS FORD  What think you? may we, with the warrant of 

 womanhood and the witness of a good conscience, 

 pursue him with any further revenge? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of 

 him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with 

 fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the 

 way of waste, attempt us again. 

 MISTRESS FORD  Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him? 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the 

 figures out of your husband's brains. If they can 

 find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight 

 shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be 

 the ministers. 

 MISTRESS FORD  I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed: and 

 methinks there would be no period to the jest, 

 should he not be publicly shamed. 

 MISTRESS PAGE  Come, to the forge with it then; shape it: I would 

 not have things cool. 



 Exeunt  Shakespeare homepage  |  Merry Wives of Windsor  | Act 4, Scene 2 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene 