SCENE III. The forest. As You Like It  Shakespeare homepage  |  As You Like It  | Act 3, Scene 3 

 Previous scene  |  Next scene  SCENE III. The forest. 

 Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY; JAQUES behind  TOUCHSTONE  Come apace, good Audrey: I will fetch up your 

 goats, Audrey. And how, Audrey? am I the man yet? 

 doth my simple feature content you? 

 AUDREY  Your features! Lord warrant us! what features! 

 TOUCHSTONE  I am here with thee and thy goats, as the most 

 capricious poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths. 

 JAQUES  [Aside]  O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove 

 in a thatched house! 

 TOUCHSTONE  When a man's verses cannot be understood, nor a 

 man's good wit seconded with the forward child 

 Understanding, it strikes a man more dead than a 

 great reckoning in a little room. Truly, I would 

 the gods had made thee poetical. 

 AUDREY  I do not know what 'poetical' is: is it honest in 

 deed and word? is it a true thing? 

 TOUCHSTONE  No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most 

 feigning; and lovers are given to poetry, and what 

 they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign. 

 AUDREY  Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical? 

 TOUCHSTONE  I do, truly; for thou swearest to me thou art 

 honest: now, if thou wert a poet, I might have some 

 hope thou didst feign. 

 AUDREY  Would you not have me honest? 

 TOUCHSTONE  No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favoured; for 

 honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar. 

 JAQUES  [Aside]  A material fool! 

 AUDREY  Well, I am not fair; and therefore I pray the gods 

 make me honest. 

 TOUCHSTONE  Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut 

 were to put good meat into an unclean dish. 

 AUDREY  I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul. 

 TOUCHSTONE  Well, praised be the gods for thy foulness! 

 sluttishness may come hereafter. But be it as it may 

 be, I will marry thee, and to that end I have been 

 with Sir Oliver Martext, the vicar of the next 

 village, who hath promised to meet me in this place 

 of the forest and to couple us. 

 JAQUES  [Aside]  I would fain see this meeting. 

 AUDREY  Well, the gods give us joy! 

 TOUCHSTONE  Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart, 

 stagger in this attempt; for here we have no temple 

 but the wood, no assembly but horn-beasts. But what 

 though? C ourage! As horns are odious, they are 

 necessary. It is said, 'many a man knows no end of 

 his goods:' right; many a man has good horns, and 

 knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of 

 his wife; 'tis none of his own getting. Horns? 

 Even so. Poor men alone? No, no; the noblest deer 

 hath them as huge as the rascal. Is the single man 

 therefore blessed? No: as a walled town is more 

 worthier than a village, so is the forehead of a 

 married man more honourable than the bare brow of a 

 bachelor; and by how much defence is better than no 

 skill, by so much is a horn more precious than to 

 want. Here comes Sir Oliver. 



 Enter SIR OLIVER MARTEXT  Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met: will you 

 dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go 

 with you to your chapel? 

 SIR OLIVER MARTEXT  Is there none here to give the woman? 

 TOUCHSTONE  I will not take her on gift of any man. 

 SIR OLIVER MARTEXT  Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful. 

 JAQUES  [Advancing] 

 Proceed, proceed	I'll give her. 

 TOUCHSTONE  Good even, good Master What-ye-call't: how do you, 

 sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your 

 last company: I am very glad to see you: even a 

 toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered. 

 JAQUES  Will you be married, motley? 

 TOUCHSTONE  As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb and 

 the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and 

 as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling. 

 JAQUES  And will you, being a man of your breeding, be 

 married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to 

 church, and have a good priest that can tell you 

 what marriage is: this fellow will but join you 

 together as they join wainscot; then one of you will 

 prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp. 

 TOUCHSTONE  [Aside]  I am not in the mind but I were better to be 

 married of him than of another: for he is not like 

 to marry me well; and not being well married, it 

 will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife. 

 JAQUES  Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee. 

 TOUCHSTONE  'Come, sweet Audrey: 

 We must be married, or we must live in bawdry. 

 Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,-- 

 O sweet Oliver, 

 O brave Oliver, 

 Leave me not behind thee: but,-- 

 Wind away, 

 Begone, I say, 

 I will not to wedding with thee. 



 Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY  SIR OLIVER MARTEXT  'Tis no matter: ne'er a fantastical knave of them 

 all shall flout me out of my calling. 



 Exit  Shakespeare homepage  |  As You Like It  | Act 3, Scene 3 

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