SCENE V. The same. A street. Two Gentlemen of Verona  Shakespeare homepage  |  Two Gentlemen of Verona  | Act 2, Scene 5 

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 Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally  SPEED  Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan! 

 LAUNCE  Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not 

 welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never 

 undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a 

 place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess 

 say 'Welcome!' 

 SPEED  Come on, you madcap, I'll to the alehouse with you 

 presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou 

 shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how 

 did thy master part with Madam Julia? 

 LAUNCE  Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very 

 fairly in jest. 

 SPEED  But shall she marry him? 

 LAUNCE  No. 

 SPEED  How then? shall he marry her? 

 LAUNCE  No, neither. 

 SPEED  What, are they broken? 

 LAUNCE  No, they are both as whole as a fish. 

 SPEED  Why, then, how stands the matter with them? 

 LAUNCE  Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it 

 stands well with her. 

 SPEED  What an ass art thou! I understand thee not. 

 LAUNCE  What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My 

 staff understands me. 

 SPEED  What thou sayest? 

 LAUNCE  Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean, 

 and my staff understands me. 

 SPEED  It stands under thee, indeed. 

 LAUNCE  Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one. 

 SPEED  But tell me true, will't be a match? 

 LAUNCE  Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no, 

 it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will. 

 SPEED  The conclusion is then that it will. 

 LAUNCE  Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable. 

 SPEED  'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest 

 thou, that my master is become a notable lover? 

 LAUNCE  I never knew him otherwise. 

 SPEED  Than how? 

 LAUNCE  A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be. 

 SPEED  Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me. 

 LAUNCE  Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master. 

 SPEED  I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover. 

 LAUNCE  Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself 

 in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; 

 if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the 

 name of a Christian. 

 SPEED  Why? 

 LAUNCE  Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to 

 go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go? 

 SPEED  At thy service. 



 Exeunt  Shakespeare homepage  |  Two Gentlemen of Verona  | Act 2, Scene 5 

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